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        Off Topic Board >> Creativity Forum >> Looking for opinions
        
(Message started by: Christian on Jul 20^th, 2006, 4:11am)

Title: Looking for opinions
Post by Christian on Jul 20^th, 2006, 4:11am

Finally finished this song I've been working on for the past few days. Of course I'd like some constructive criticism, tell me what you like and dislike about it, however I'm also looking for an opinion from the ladies. I realize this is a difficult question to answer, but....if you were the focus of the song, would you find it insulting at all? I kept the subject just a little bit ambigious, but it shouldn't be too hard to figure out. I didn't write it to show it to her, I just don't want to continue with it and putting it out there if she would be hurt because of the obvious delicate nature of the subject matter. Ahem, without futher ado...

An Undivided Unity

I was angry that you were in and didn't call
But I learn you've tripped and taken a fall
The girl I didn't know was there isn't anymore
And nobody can see that you're now empty

I really wish she'd been mine
Just to get a share of your misery
And now she's no one's to claim
I'm positive she would've liked me

We both know she couldn't be
We never had a chance to start
You only find love after making it
And I'll only enter a bed through a heart

How long until you feel entitled to be alive?
How long until you say goodbye to the ghost inside?
When the hole is within, deep down under your skin
You've really got no place to hide

I know all your hidden scars
Left by all your public boys
But the one your girl left is all your own
It just makes you that much more alone

You hide away in your room
And to chase away the hurt
You stand in front of the mirror
And put a pillow under your shirt

You cry she's angry with you
It is all your fault she left
She knew you were wishing her gone
So she had God come and commit his theft

How long until you feel entitled to be alive?
How long until you say goodbye to the ghost inside?
When the hole is within, deep down under your skin
You've really got no place to hide