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Topic: My poem (Read 1416 times) |
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nate08
Naked
I wanna wake up where you are
Gender: 
Posts: 18
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Hey guys, I write a lot of poetry and songs and I thought I'd type up one of my earlier poems and as I was typing it, I realized it could be a song real easy. You can see its about a girl that means a lot to me and blah blah blah, so feel free to tell me what you think.
"Ashley"
called you up,
talked it out
can't ever tell what you thinking about
If your and angel,
It's hard to tell
my life was shattered the day you fell
you say,
Nothing
But it means,
Something
you never let me in
wanna try it again?
I wanna make this work,
tried it all before
left me broken and my heart sore
I'm not what you want,
I know because I've tried
being myself for you kills me inside
you say,
Nothing
but it means,
Something
you never let me in
wanna try it again?
alone and standing,
watched you pretty face walk by
everything you said before was a lie. . . .
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*You take all your lies and wish them all away*
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tkc1989
Goo God
~...Tonight's the night the world begins again...~
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Posts: 1059
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Re: My poem
« Reply #1 on: Aug 11th, 2006, 4:38am » |
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wow that's really really good  i especially like the lines:
'If your and angel,
It's hard to tell
my life was shattered the day you fell'
Just i think the rhyming and the rhythm of those lines was just really pleasing in some way.
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nate08
Naked
I wanna wake up where you are
Gender:
Posts: 18
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Re: My poem
« Reply #2 on: Aug 11th, 2006, 10:55am » |
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I agree thats probably my favorite part of the poem as well
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*You take all your lies and wish them all away*
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Shannon
WOG Administrator
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Posts: 6800
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Re: My poem
« Reply #3 on: Aug 11th, 2006, 11:36am » |
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That could easily be a song. You're very talented. We have so much talent on this board it's wonderful. Thanks for sharing.
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If you need help, please email me at [email protected]
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nate08
Naked
I wanna wake up where you are
Gender:
Posts: 18
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Re: My poem
« Reply #4 on: Aug 11th, 2006, 2:53pm » |
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Thanks Shannon that really means a lot 
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*You take all your lies and wish them all away*
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nate08
Naked
I wanna wake up where you are
Gender:
Posts: 18
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Re: My poem
« Reply #5 on: Aug 14th, 2006, 2:17am » |
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Heres another one I did and you can tell what its about so. . . .
"What a Shame"
God has spoken,
called him by his name.
Filled his lungs full of life,
As he does to all the same.
But before his knows,
Life is not his choice.
An unjustice fullfilled,
No one to hear his voice.
Say it isn't so,
His life is gone.
How Ironic,
There live's go on.
Never given his one chance,
For this their souls they trade.
Why can't anyone see,
The difference he could have made.
God sees this,
Through his loving eye.
To this he lowers his head,
And begins to cry.
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*You take all your lies and wish them all away*
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yrtigress2
Naked
I love YaBB 1G - SP1!
Posts: 25
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Re: My poem
« Reply #6 on: Mar 17th, 2007, 5:07pm » |
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WOW!!! I am speachless!!!Thanks!!!
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